What Is the Best Way to Get Over Approach Anxiety?

Although all of your male friends may look terribly confident to you, the truth is that the majority of boys and men will suffer from approach anxiety during the course of their lifetime, some more than others. Some guys think of this simply as shyness or just being uncomfortable talking to women, but it is a recognized psychological issue that needs addressing if you really want to get the most out of life.

Why Do You Have Approach Anxiety?

There are some guys who can look to a particular incident in their life that resulted in them having approach anxiety, such as confidently going up to the girl of their dreams and being turned away. Unfortunately, this happens to us all and you shouldn’t use one bad experience to shape the rest of your life.

What you should know is that your body is wired to feel some anxiety when approaching people that you don’t know, because at one time in our history that was a pretty dangerous thing to do. Psychologists call this theory Evolutional Psychology, and although most of our lives have evolved from what they were thousands of years ago, there are still some underlying issues that pop up, such as this.

How Does This Fear Serve You?

We all have fears – spiders, public speaking, getting married – but the fear of approaching a woman is actually one that serves a purpose for you personally. When you are afraid of approaching a woman, it is much easier to become a martyr in your mind. You can even justify believing that all women are horrible because you aren’t brave enough to go up to one.

Every fear that you have serves some kind of purpose and for most men, the fear of approaching a woman enables them to escape the fear of marriage, the fear of intimacy, and of course provides them with a way of avoiding being turned down. When you are too afraid to approach women, the chances of you looking stupid or being turned down are absolutely zero.

What Can You Do?

There are several methods that can be used to get over approach anxiety, but you will first need to be honest with yourself and admit that it is a real problem for you. If you look at a woman, any woman, and can’t even see yourself asking her the time, then it is a problem. You should always be able to at least talk to any woman just as you would any man, without being afraid.

Therefore, one way to start addressing this problem is to approach women and ask them questions that don’t involve any kind of commitment or judgment on their part. For example, go up to a woman and ask her the date, or when the next bus is coming, or just the time of day. She won’t mind and you won’t be opening yourself up to being embarrassed or rejected.

Another step that many men make after this is to start a conversation with a woman who you are absolutely not interested in. Because there is no desire and no expectations on your part, you can talk to her just like a guy. Start a conversation about a show that you both watch on television, the latest scandal, or someone who you both know. Once you start talking to her, you will forget your fears altogether.

Mike Smooth has a few tips at this forum post. In it, he says…

“When you see a beautiful woman, stay present. In other words, don’t think about the future and dont think about the past. Thinking about the future brings you stress and anxiety and thinking about the past can bring you fear. I know that having a beautiful woman will not fulfill my life. So, if you stay present and are aware of the fact that a women will not complete you, AA just goes away. Basically you just approach and whatever happens, happens!” More reading at … 4 tips for getting over approach anxiety.

And, Eric “Disco” has some more tips here…

“The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you.” More reading at … Ten Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety–Right Now!

Take “Baby Steps”

Life is short, so it is imperative that you take control of your approach anxiety as soon as possible, but you still need to do it in a way that won’t make you go further into your shell. By taking small steps at a time, asking a stranger simple questions, talking to a woman you know about trivial matters, and then slowly approaching women who you might be attracted to, will give you more practice in talking to women and being comfortable with it.

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Also, it is good for you to know that this is not something that is rare – probably most of your friends feel this same kind of fear, so talking to them about it may actually help you, too. One of the best ways for you to deal with any fear is to share it with others.